


Mass Management

by etckhh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Boom Boom era, Cannon universe, Fluff, M/M, Slight voyeurism i guess ffs they're in the same room as sleeping members, Smut, like no au, local writer is a whole stressedd dumbass, svt is stressed basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etckhh/pseuds/etckhh
Summary: Seungcheol and Jeonghan get caught kissing, and Seventeen's management cracks down on skinship.The members are forced to get crafty to see one another.





	1. Something's off

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta'd
> 
> Seokmin Centric for chapter 1, Ch 2 will be a switch of which character is like experiencing things and such

It was tense.

Insufferably tense.

When Seokmin entered the dorms late one night he noted the sudden increase in managers milling about and felt his stomach drop to his ankles. None of the thirteen rowdy boys in their usual conversations. No yelling over what television show to watch or who gets to use the bathroom. Just quiet conversations. Whispers. Everything felt off-kilter as if someone moved all the furniture an inch to the left to throw him off. He sets down his duffel bag slowly and toes off his shoes, hanging his hoodie and quietly preparing for a shower.

The lights were mostly off. He passes the living room, the worn couches are emptier than usual. Jeonghan was sitting on one with his face pressed to a pillow. He was on his stomach, shoulders shaking and a hand pressed to his back by Joshua who Jeonghan was spread across. Seokmin notices the sombre look on his face and frowns. he's about to walk up and ask what was going on but then a manager walked over and dragged Jeonghan up, hissing something to him. Seokmin decides that he shouldn't ask just yet. Maybe he hopes that the elder was just being over dramatic over something petty - that happened sometimes. It was selfish wishful thinking really. He continues past the living room, peeking in the kitchen.

Seokmin spots Seungcheol sitting in the dim light at the kitchen table, elbows resting on the surface with his eyebrows knit together. He looks pale, almost lifeless. The yellow light and cream coloured wall adding to a jaundice aura as he nods at something one of the senior managers says to him. His knuckles were white and his shoulders tense. It looked like someone had winded a spring in him and held it still.

Seokmin had never seen him look so tense.

Jihoon sat to his left, expression set in a deep glare. He was swallowed up by his hoodie, tiny form shaking with rage. Seokmin can see his knuckles turning white as he clutched the sleeves, looking a lot larger with his commanding demeanour. His brown hair was an absolute mess and his voice was quiet but holding some power behind his words. He was scolding the manager at the end of the table. Ilhoon, their oldest manager, slams his hand on the table.

Soonyoung was on the other side of the table, hunched over. His leg bounced under the table as he bit his nails. He looked so scared, smaller than usual. That morning Soonyoung stole Seokmin’s soft grey shirt and he looked so lovely in it.

“You’re blowing this out of proportion,” he hears Soonyoung say, voice trembling. His lithe fingers drawing little shapes into the stained turquoise table. The tacky old thing rattled with every movement, making the room give off a noisy and tense aura.

It takes some effort but Seokmin turns himself away, his feet padding quietly against the cold wooden floor. It was a given that listening in like that was not his place. If something was wrong he would be informed. He repeats the mantra of 'It's not my place, it's not my place, it's not my place'.

He felt like he was being too loud. The click of a door resounded a lot louder than usual, one of their managers poking her head into Mingyu and Minghao’s room. She nods and silently moves past and to the next room, repeating the strange behaviour. Seokmin refuses to linger, knowing it wasn’t his place he goes to the bathroom at the end of the hall. It’s open for once, and the lucky break just adds to the cold feeling lurking.

The door shuts with a clunk and on autopilot, Seokmin turns on the shower, shedding his sweats and tee shirt and staring in the mirror.

His blank expression stares back. He brings up a bony finger to poke at the deep purple marks under his eyes, the skin feeling bloated and painful. The whole team hadn’t gotten much sleep lately thanks to preparation for their comeback. Seokmin’s whole body ached, especially his legs. There was so much kicking and movement in the new choreography Soonyoung devised. He slips under the warm spray not too long after, sighing in relief. There was just enough warm water left. He catches himself muttering the lyrics of boom boom under his breath, brain reverting to useless jelly after a long day.

Seungcheol’s hollow expression comes back to him and it’s sobering. Complications with the comeback, maybe? He doubts it. It couldn’t be an injury. He spent most of the day with the other guys and even when Wonwoo became inexplicably sick he knew within minutes, their group chat lighting up like a strobe light.

He thinks about any other clues.

The practice rooms were packed as always, managers, choreographers, producers. The members were their usual selves- well. As usual as possible could be in a professional setting. He remembers that Seungcheol had kept messing up the more complicated hand movements. He also remembers Soonyoung uncharacteristically silent about the mistakes.

Soonyoung choreographed everything down to their eye movements and head tilts. A perfectionist in his craft. Was something gnawing at him too, then?

Seokmin thinks harder about their interactions. Things were going alright in their relationship. He woke up to Soonyoung pressed to his side, kissing his soft cheeks until he woke up and grumbled, rolling over and shoving his wild bed head in Seokmin's face. He whined like a child over having to wake up but dissolved into giggles when Seokmin kept pressing kisses to his nape.

Seokmin rinses off and steps out of the shower, towel drying his hair.

Their morning had been normal up until practice. He can’t think of anything. Maybe it was just a fluke, mixing with all the stress of a comeback he was worrying over nothing.

Seokmin gives it a rest, dressing in more proper pyjamas due to the increase in managers he slips from the bathroom and down the hall. He notices every single door ajar, the members all looking uncomfortable as they silently went about the nightly routines.

He passes Wonwoo on the couch finishing the novel he’d been rereading as he walks to the stairs. He pauses and turns.

“Hyung?” Seokmin asks. Wonwoo's eyes don’t even pause as they continue across the pages.

“Seok?” Wonwoo replies softly, the call of Seokmin’s name gentle and imploring. Not it’s usual rough or rowdy tone. He was in a soft mood and that adds to the cold building in Seokmin’s stomach. Wonwoo became soft and gentle with the members from time to time. After a fight. During particularly stressful times. When he’s ill or tired.

“Is something - did something happen?” Seokmin asks. This does cause Wonwoo to look up, eyeing Seokmin over his thin reading frames. He shuts his book and stands, pushing his glasses up and running a hand through his hair. He pauses a long moment, carefully collecting his words. Deciding on them. Seokmin supposes he really likes a softer Wonwoo because that Wonwoo chooses his words and is deliberate when he speaks.

He shifts from one foot to the other, wrinkling his nose.

“There are going to be more eyes on us the next few days. Prepare for that,” Wonwoo says, looking like he wants to say more. But he just holds his book to his chest and whispers a goodnight.

And it feels wrong.

Seokmin feels wrong as he crawls into his empty bed and curls into where Soonyoung had slept the night before. He had passed Soonyoung's bed to see it empty and realizes the latter must still be with Seungcheol and Jihoon having a meeting in the kitchen.

Soonyoung’s smell lingers regardless, and Seokmin cuddles his pillow. The whole house is lifeless, the feeling lingering in every inch of the walls and the floors.

Wonwoo is right.

There are more eyes on them for the passing week. It’s tense, with each passing day Seokmin feels like the air will snap like a twig and it makes him anxious.

The managers become hawks. Each member being scolded like a child at one point or another. They make up new rules, becoming far more strict. Seungkwan was scolded for being pitchy when he wasn’t, Mingyu was told off for grabbing his water during practice, Jun was hollered at for taking too long to stretch.

It didn’t even end at the studio, the criticism followed them home. Their house was filled with three to five managers at a time, each more cranky than the last. Minghao was pestered for leaving his socks on the floor, Chan was yelled at for locking the bathroom door, and Vernon - easy going, laid back, kind Vernon - was screamed at to the point of tears for leaving his phone at the Pledis building and simply asking to go get it.

Their phones were taken away after that.

It didn’t stop there, either. Skinship was banned almost entirely. No casual touching, no hugging or leaning on one another. Even Jihoon, who detested skinship, got an earful for tiredly resting his head against Joshua’s shoulder. Their managers were practically making up rules left and right and Seokmin didn’t know what to make of it.

He felt like he was going crazy, especially without Soonyoung.

He had stayed late to practice with the latter way into the middle of the night. Praying for some alone time or something. But instead, they were watched by the hawk-like eyes of the manager and walked home like school children.

It takes another week for them to have a moment alone, but even then they aren’t really alone.

The doors to all the rooms are permanently opened as the managers do rounds to check in on them. There are knots in Seokmin’s legs from how he’s sitting uncomfortably on his bed across from Soonyoung but from time to time their hands drift together and their pinkies link for a few moments before they retract as the supervising manager pokes his head in.

They’re idly talking about a new drama, but the moment the man is gone Soonyoung leans in, voice changing into a serious one.

“They’re watching us because Jeonghan-Hyung and Seungcheol-Hyung were caught,” He hisses, grabbing Seokmin’s hand.

Seokmin freezes, the warmth from Soonyoung’s hand melting his stomach and turning his ears red but his words causing dread.

“Caught?” He says, voice shaking as the icy words wash over him. There was no way. No possible way.

“Together” Soonyoung confirmed.

“When? What?” He asks, eyes drifting to the door.

Some of them were in relationships. Friends with benefits, in Joshua and Jihoon’s case. Longtime lovers, in Wonwoo and Mingyu’s case. And practically married, in Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s case.

It was secret. They kept it within the group, fiercely protective of one another.

“Our skinship was getting a little too ‘excessive’ according to Hyunwoo-nim - he barged into - he barged into the practice room when J-Jeonghan pecked Seungcheol and-” Soonyoung’s words were rushed, hand gripping Seokmin’s in a vice-like way.

“It was me, hoon, and won who were in there too - we played it off as a joke but- but - they don’t buy it, Minnie,” he breathes, eyes imploring and fearful.

They could lose the group over it.

He had noticed how tense Seungcheol was, his shoulders hunched constantly, snapping at everything only to try and make it up to them later.

Jeonghan had been crying constantly, bitter. His words becoming harsh and his voice cracking all the time. He could hardly sing anymore but thankfully Jihoon put no pressure on him. Seungkwan had been getting a cold and Seokmin had assumed it had transferred to Jeonghan as well.

He felt like an idiot.

“Did you tell the others?” He asks. Soonyoung nods.

“Yes - yeah everyone who needs to know, knows” Soonyoung confirms.

They pull apart at the sound of footsteps. Manager Hyunwoo peeks in and walks away.

When his heavy footsteps go down the stairs Seokmin surged forwards, pressing Soonyoung into a tight hug.

He couldn’t help it, his skin had been crawling with need. It had been far too long since they’d had any contact and it was dizzying how nice the hug felt. Soonyoung’s body melting into his own, seeking comfort. The lack of skinship had deprived them of hugs, soft touches, innocent things that Seokmin constantly desired. In an ideal world, Seokmin would push him into the bed and slide his hands up the latter’s shirt. He would swallow all those precious noises the latter makes with kiss after kiss. But it doesn’t happen. Soonyoung pulled away and pressed a soft kiss to Seokmin’s forehead. It was clear he didn’t want to linger - but every inch of his skin was pulling towards Seokmin like a magnet. They pull apart after a moment, the warmth lingering.

The performance leader gracefully hops from the bunk bed, striding over to the chair where Seokmin’s hoodie had been tossed. Soonyoung grabs it and pulls it on, wrapping his arms around himself, squeezing himself in a hug. Seokmin gives him a sad smile and wraps his arms around himself as if hugging him back. They don’t exchange words but god how he wanted to yell about his love.

It hurts. To not be able to get his fill of Soonyoung. And he watches his soft form leave.

Seokmin, for the first time in a long time. Wonders what they are. Boyfriends? He doesn’t think that’s possible in their line of work. They’d never exchanged I love you’s, just a rushed discussion over being mutually exclusive. Seokmin wanted something more firm to rely on, but that was selfish. He wanted a piece of Soonyoung to hoard in his heart.

He wonders if what they have will last.


	2. Dumbgyu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu is an idiot. A horny idiot. 
> 
> Meanie ensues.

Mingyu tossed and turned. Over and over again.

He was uncomfortable and there was no way to force himself to settle down. His brain was absolutely on fire. All synapses lighting as he worried over the comeback. The current strain on their lives with the managers breathing down their necks. And of course - Wonwoo. Wonwoo. Wonwoo. The latter had grown so tired, rivalling Jeonghan’s exhaustion. His eyes were always drooping and he fell asleep during recordings the day before. Mingyu wanted to just wrap him in a blanket and kiss him silly before cuddling him to sleep.

It had been weeks since they had even touched and it was painful for Mingyu. He hardly went a day without some form of skinship with Wonwoo.

He gets up, sidestepping Minghao’s bed as he slipped down the hall. He heard the snores of their managers downstairs, only propelling him to move faster and quieter. He enters Wonwoo, Chan, Jun, and Joshua’s shared room, creeping over to his boyfriend’s bed.

Mingyu was being stupid. He knew it. This was dangerous. He shouldn’t have snuck out like this. If a manager saw his empty bed he’d be killed on the spot. Well - not literally - but he might as well be.

The room is dark, sounds filtering from Joshua’s headphones like white noise. Chan slept like a rock, snoring softly into his pillow. Jun was curled into a ball at the end of his bed, dead to the world.

There was a pile of fluffy blue blankets, deep grey covers and a poof of dyed hair peeking out. There's a shift and suddenly Wonwoo rolls over, hazy eyes blinking, squinting in the darkness. “Baby?” He whispered.

Mingyu’s heart snaps, affection and need rushing out as he reaches out to push the fringe from Wonwoo’s eyes. It’s tense and Wonwoo reaches out, hand curling around Mingyu’s wrist.

Wonwoo pulls the covers aside, tugging Mingyu into the bed and pulling him close. Mingyu slumped against Wonwoo’s body, legs tangling automatically. Mingyu can make out Wonwoo’s features in the dim lighting, lips in a pout. God those lips. They looked so warm and inviting. He brings a hand up to thumb over Wonwoo’s bottom lip. Wonwoo tenses, giving Mingyu a look that screamed ‘don’t you dare’.

Mingyu was never good at picking up on body language.

Magnets pull him into kissing Wonwoo. It felt like a sudden relief. Like a smoker who finally got a hit. Wonwoo groans softly, hand coming up to cup his boyfriend’s cheeks. Their lips move slowly against one another, bodies pressing close.

“You can’t-” Wonwoo’s words are silenced by Mingyu’s lips, the taller relentless. “You can’t stay,” he whispered, lips chasing and brushing heatedly.

“Won’t,” Mingyu assures, hands running down Wonwoo’s chest and pulling him closer. Wonwoo shudders against him, lips moving down Mingyu’s jaw and up to his ear and neck. The younger mutters a cuss, hand moving to touch Wonwoo’s freshly dyed hair. It was dry and stiff but Mingyu loves the colour. He tugs on it, getting a soft whine. The lips against his throat turning to teeth as he sucks and bites, marking him up.

“Mine. Mine. You’re mine and they can’t take you away from me,” Wonwoo says with fierce possessiveness in between kisses that shocks Mingyu, eyes widening before falling shut.

“All yours. Right here, all yours,” the taller whispered, pressing Wonwoo closer.

“I need you so bad,” Wonwoo whined, moving to brush their lips together. And Mingyu now knows why Wonwoo didn’t want to kiss. He was a dam ready to crack, his carefully assembled façade broken down.

Mingyu knows what they’re doing is dangerous. He’s so dead when they go in for filming, being covered in small marks. Wonwoo had the tact to keep them below his collarbones usually, but his reckless abandon shows as the marks creep up his neck.

They keep kissing passionately until Mingyu’s hand starts to cup Wonwoo through his sweats, making Wonwoo gasp and squirm.

“Gyu - you can’t-” he stutters out. He looks pained. “Too - risky,” he grunts softly and Mingyu hums, not paying too much attention to the complaints. Wonwoo had never been one to leave his consent in the grey area. When he’s not in the mood he’ll toss Mingyu off of him like a sack of potatoes. It was clearly more of a moral dilemma in the latter’s mind.

“When’d you last get off?” He asks. He hears Wonwo gasp, holding in a breath when his hand continues to toy.

“Mmh - music core,” he informs. Mingyu’s eyes bug a bit. That was two months ago when they’d managed a very impressive quicky over the counter in a bathroom.

“No jerking?” He asks lewdly. Wonwoo shudders, pressing his face to Mingyu’s throat.

“Couldn’t finish. You weren’t there,” he admits. Mingyu almost laughs - Wonwoo blue ballsed himself. He couldn’t get off without Mingyu, and that was heartwarming in and of itself.

Mingyu was determined to get Wonwoo off so he slides under the covers, pushing Wonwoo onto his back and pressing his face into the latter’s stomach. Wonwoo bites his knuckles as he uses the other hand to thread through Mingyu’s soft blonde hair. His eyes fall shut.

Mingyu trailed kisses down the latter’s stomach, revelling in the way the muscle would tense under his lips. But sadly, he couldn’t enjoy it too much. So he got to work, sliding the waistband of Wonwoo’s sweats down to his ass, used to his boyfriend sleeping commando by now. The hand softly pushing at his hair makes Mingyu want to just draw it out more but he can’t. This was risky enough. He licks at the tip of Wonwoo’s cock, taking the rest in his fist and slowly taking it all in, inch by inch.

He hears Wonwoo whine deep in his throat, and he feels the latter’s thighs close in on him a bit. Mingyu can’t help but suck a hickey into the latter’s hip as he uses his hand to pump him before returning to licking and sucking him off enthusiastically.

Wonwoo rolls his eyes back, the noises weren’t very discreet but they were managing to be fairly quiet. Chan hadn’t stirred once and Joshua still had his headphones in. He kept an eye on the dark hallway, waiting just in case any lights flicker on, announcing an incoming manager.

Mingyu had been building up the heat in his stomach expertly and Wonwoo had almost broken skin with how hard he had to bite his hand.

“Baby,” he hissed the only warning that was given before he has what would easily be classified as a mind-blowing orgasm.

Mingyu sucks him through it and Wonwoo has to pull him off by his hair when he grows way too sensitive. He pulls Mingyu back up and kisses him silly, hand sliding down the taller’s pyjama pants.

Just as they’re about to continue the hall light flicks on and there are footsteps. Mingyu rushes from Wonwoo’s bed and stumbles to the wall and Wonwoo is about to yell 'the fuck are you doing?!’ When the latter grabs Wonwoo’s fucking laptop charger.

Wonwoo almost screams.

A manager peeks her head inside the room and Wonwoo lays silently, pretending to be asleep in the dark room.

They were so fucked.

The end of seventeen all because Mingyu came in his room like the damn blowie fairy. Wonwoo wants to cry. What if the manager heard something?! They were doomed. There was no excuse.

“Ah - why are you in here?” The woman asks, arms crossing and frown settling in. She looks to Wonwoo, noticing him. Mingyu squints his eyes and does an eerily convincing version of his sleepy self. “Your bed was empty,” she says suspiciously as if she knew.

“Borrowing Wonwoo-hyung’s laptop charger,” Mingyu says, lifting the item in his hand. Wonwoo almost cried because that’s the most clever thing he’s ever seen Mingyu do. But then he also almost cried because there’s definitely his cum on the back of Mingyu’s hand and his jaw. Thanks to the dim lighting the manager doesn’t seem to notice. But then the clear hickies on Mingyu’s throat-

The woman steps out of the dark room to inform the other manager where Mingyu was and Wonwoo throws his hoodie off and at Mingyu, gesturing to his neck. Mingyu rushes to put it on and wipe his face clean. He looks at Wonwoo and mouths an 'i love you’ before leaving the room and clearing things up with the managers.

Wonwoo almost cries in relief. They had gotten away with it.

Mingyu - the same man who had outed himself by mistake to Wonwoo all those years back, the same man who had fallen off of a chair while stationary, the same clumsy oaf Wonwoo loved - had managed to cover for them.

He recalls sitting in the recording room with Mingyu when they were working on Adore U. Wonwoo had been explaining something and Mingyu just stared at him, jaw slack and eyes wide.

He had to call out Mingyu’s name several times before the latter snapped out of it. When Wonwoo asked if he was ok Mingyu nodded blankly. “Sorry. I’m so gay I can’t function around pretty boys sometimes and-” Mingyu began to ramble before the realization hit and he turned red. Wonwoo thought he was going to have a stroke as he begged the elder not to tell anyone, bursting into tears.

Wonwoo was dumbfounded and remained that way ever since.

He can hear Manager Ilhoon in the hallway.

“The hell you doing awake?” He accuses.

“I was reviewing the dance for Boom Boom and my laptop died-” Mingyu says as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Why on earth were you doing that?” Ilhoon asks again, more agitated.

“Cause I couldn’t watch it on my phone,” Mingyu retorts simply as if it was the most obvious thing.

Ilhoon groans.

“Bed. Now.” The manager orders sternly and Mingyu slinks off to his room.

The next week they have a closed door policy, all of the doors being shut with bells on them to alert the staff if someone was breaking curfew.

And god does it suck. A lot. Mingyu knows he had pushed his luck and really he and Wonwoo were beyond fortunate to come out unscathed.

Chan comes up with a minor protest and it spreads between them quickly.

They all get up at night, regularly, to do stupid stuff and piss off the managers. Chan gets up to use the bathroom, making a loud jangling sound. He goes back to bed, ten minutes pass, then Jeonghan is up grabbing a glass of water. Fifteen minutes pass then Minghao has to pee. Then Wonwoo forgets his book. Then Joshua forgets his mp3 on the kitchen table. Then Seungcheol needs to pee.

They become dedicated to this schedule and by the third night the bells are gone and the doors are open again, and Wonwoo manages to sneak a kiss onto Mingyu’s lips early one morning.

In the end, Mingyu thinks they’ve made the best of it.


	3. Under the Radar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They manage to get past the managers - just for a little while.

Seungkwan had gotten a cold.

Not just any cold, but the type that left his bones heavy and weak and his head spinny. He had been bordering on delirious for the past day and Seungcheol had been begging to let the younger get a sick day.

The managers didn’t bite.

Seventeen had been working through the choreography now that it was finished when suddenly there was a thunk, Seungkwan falling to his knees in the middle of the song and curling into a ball on the floor.

Vernon had witnessed him go down and was at his side in a heartbeat, feeling his head. It felt like a bucket and a half of ice were slid down his shirt. Vernon’s shaky hands gently cupped Seungkwan’s cheeks. “Shit - Seungkwannie? Seungkwannie?” He asks, the others freezing up before gathering around. Vernon felt tears prick his eyes.

He had been so worried over the past week, Seungkwan growing more ill by the hour was taking a toll on Vernon as well. He had been coaxing food and tea into the latter as often as possible, trying to get Seungkwan to nap at any given opportunity. Even Jihoon had been coddling Seungkwan, giving him tea during recordings and vocal practices and speaking to him gently.

The exhaustion of the comeback was making Seungkwan more and more ill and Vernon was sick of the sickness.

Manager Hyunwoo approaches Seungkwan’s body.

“Get up! You have an hour to go and you just try to take a nap?” He accuses, making Vernon’s blood boil.

“Seungkwan is sick, he needs rest,” Seungcheol defends automatically. Hyunwoo rolls his eyes and Seungcheol can almost hear the homophobic slurs he was holding in.

“He’s being a diva. Kid. Get up or you don’t get dinner,” Hyunwoo threatens.

Vernon manages to get Seungkwan mildly sentient and pulls him up and then onto his back to carry him.

“We’re going to the dorms,” Vernon states, it wasn’t a question but rather a statement.

“Absolutely not,” Hyunwoo barks, standing taller. “You stay and work with everyone else,” he argues.

Vernon sidesteps him and walks to the door, hands shaking. He was terrified of breaking the rules but he was filled with determination and a need to get Seungkwan some rest.

“Hey - stop right there! If you leave this room your salary will be cut - you - you’ll get written up and put on probation!” Hyunwoo threatens.

Seungcheol steps up. “Do that to me - whatever punishment, do it to me instead. I’m the leader, let him be,” he states, eyes flickering between Vernon’s form and Hyunwoo.

“Me too,” Soonyoung pipes up, shuffling forward.

“Ditto,” Jihoon adds, stepping forward to join them with a cold glare.

Manager Hyunwoo turns to Vernon and makes eye contact, beginning a speech about how Vernon will be held accountable for his actions when Vernon just - nods. He nods and leaves the room. Ready to sacrifice himself to any punishment to get Seungkwan a couple extra hours of sleep.

Seungkwan could only make a noise of protest but Vernon had been far too determined. He’d never broken the rules but for Seungkwan he would go to hell and back just to help him. He was his best friend.

Manager Ilhoon crosses the room from where he was sitting at his laptop, scolding clear in his eyes. Bumzu also walks over to have an impromptu meeting with the leader line.

“The kids need some rest man it’s getting late,” Bumzu says, rubbing the back of his neck. He glances at Jeonghan who was swaying on his feet and Mingyu who had to squat to keep from falling over.

“They’ve been lazing about - this choreography needs work and they have filming tomorrow,” Ilhoon argues, making Soonyoung bristle like a porcupine.

“The choreography is fucking fantastic. The reason it looks sloppy because everyone is bordering on exhaustion - Seungkwan just passed out!” Soonyoung hisses. Jihoon gently rests a hand on his arm and it calms him down a bit. “What would you know about choreography?” He accuses and Hyunwoo bristles right back.

“Let them go home n’ recharge before filming so they can do their best,” Bumzu says calmly, making Jihoon so thankful he could kiss him. But that’d be weird because he’s like a brother to him.

Ilhoon frowns but turns to Hyunwoo.

“It would help them… maybe we should go back to the dorms,” he says slowly, nodding along.

“No managers,” Chan says. It’s a ballsy move and Seungcheol tenses. “Let us just rest. Please. You’ve been critiquing every aspect of our lives, we just need some time to relax. We’re humans too,” he pleads with a little head bow. Minghao has to bite back a grin.

Chan knew what he was doing. All the managers and staff had the biggest soft spot for him. He’d played the baby card all the time with the hyungs - excluding Jeonghan who knew what the youngest was doing and absolutely patronized him for it.

Hyunwoo glares and everyone collectively holds their breath.

“Fine. Go. Get out of here before I change my mind,” he agrees and they erupted in cheers, grabbing all their things and cleaning up.

“Vocal unit stays,” Bumzu says, trying to look stern but there was a softness in his eyes. “We just need to work on one thing,” he assures.

Jihoon’s eyes roll so far back in his head he swears they’d detach.

When they do rotate back into focus and he sees Seungcheol gently touch Jeonghan’s hand and hold onto it for a fleeting moment with a soft look.

The room clears out for the most part and the remaining members of the vocal unit file into the practice booth. Bumzu jokingly drags Joshua along, scolding him while laughing that he wouldn’t be forgotten this time. Joshua whines the whole way.

When they’re all piled in the room Jihoon doesn’t even hesitate to sit in Joshua’s lap, making the elder flustered and a bit nervous but he sinks into Jihoon’s back and curls his arms around his waist.

Bumzu doesn’t scold them. He never would.

It’s only a quick practice, a normal preparation for live shows to ensure that they could harmonize with their own vocals and where to cut the background vocals off so they could sing with some authenticity.

Bumzu is kind enough to finish quickly and when he does he hands over two white grocery bags filled to the brim with junk food.

Seokmin cries a bit.

“Need to get those spirits up and those cheeks fuller - that means you Jihoon-ah,” he teases, pinching Jihoon’s cheeks.

Seokmin decides Bumzu is braver than any soldier for trying it - he was testing fate.

They manage to sneak out with both bags, nearly running to the dorms.

For the first time in a month, Seokmin breathes easy.


	4. Down Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group has a round of down time for once.

The dorm is warm for the first time in a long time.

Everyone’s talking and laughing, the lights are all on, and each member was busy. It was as if the house had more life breathed into it. Even though the group had been exhausted that day they were a collective flurry of movement.

Jihoon kicks off his shoes and yells that they have hella junk food and everyone should come to get some. Jeonghan apprehends both bags, hurrying off to the kitchen. He was trailed by a large assortment of complaints but they all knew better - the second eldest was just going to divvy up the heavy bags so that the members each received an even portion of junk food alongside their leader. It was an unspoken rule.

Jihoon follows, passing the living room. Chan, Minghao, and Jun were arguing over what to watch while sitting in a sort of pile with one another on the smaller couch. Jun announces that he has both age and beauty over the other two so he should decide. Minghao tells him he looks like gum on the bottom of a shoe and Chan announces that’s not how either of those sayings are used.

On the other couch, Seungkwan was in a ball of blankets, sleepily holding some tea as Vernon held him in his lap, quietly whispering things into his hair.

Jihoon wonders what was going on between them. They’d always been weirdly close to one another, touchy and protective. Hansol was always in his own little world and Seungkwan was the only person allowed into it - as if he was the only link grounding Vernon to the rest of the world. They were other halves to a whole. Jihoon belatedly decides to not read into it. Seungkwan claimed wasn’t gay to not disappoint his mother and Vernon had never come out to them but it was clear how he stared a little bit longer at men, and never showed any interest in girls. They could never worm their way into his world.

Next Jihoon makes his way to the kitchen and sees Jeonghan and Seungcheol dividing the snacks into thirteen equal portions. Seungcheol seems to notice how Jeonghan’s share was smaller than the rest and he watches the eldest grin and press a kiss into Jeonghan’s jaw and push their piles into one pile, making Jeonghan laugh and shake his head before kissing Seungcheol for a long moment, square on the mouth.

Married. They were so married.

Mingyu was happily cooking, letting Soonyoung help to an extent. Jihoon thinks Wonwoo is also helping but then he sees the latter hug Mingyu from behind and press ‘discreet’ kisses to his shoulder and - yeah. Not helping. It seems Wonwoo was on a mission to distract. Judging by how Mingyu’s ears turn red and his hands start shaking he was falling quickly for Wonwoo’s trap.

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu groans, stirring the pasta boiling on the stove.

“Hyung," the elder corrects gently. "It’s Wonwoo-hyung, baby,” Wonwoo muttered, not noticing Jihoon nearby. Mingyu makes a very high pitched noise deep in his throat and drops the spoon, sending a bit of pasta flying. With a victorious laugh, Wonwoo runs off.

Soonyoung stood at the counter, making a gigantic mess as he sang along to an old trot song on the kitchen's outdated radio. Seokmin walks in and starts on their running gag. His loud voice echoes and makes Jihoon wince.

“Oh grandma, your sweet singing makes me feel young again,” he yells, hunched over and clutching his chest.

Soonyoung turns and cups Seokmin’s cheeks, smearing a bit of kimchi sauce on them from his messy hands. “Oh grandpa I’ll never grow old with you’re love making me feel so young,” he responds. They both yell like emotional old people before pecking one another on the lips, making Jihoon, Mingyu and Jeonghan laugh and Seungcheol groan and shake his head.

Jihoon leaves before he has to watch any more of the act, Soonyoung loudly explaining what was for dinner and kissing the kimchi from Seokmin’s cheeks. It was an amusing sight to see the smaller of the two strain on his tippy toes to get as many kisses as possible. 

After a few short steps, Jihoon is making his way down the hall. He almost screams, suddenly grabbed around the waist and pushed face first against a wall, a hand grabbing his ass and squeezing.

“Hey lovely," Joshua mutters in his ear, making Jihoon sink weakly against the wall. He mutters a cuss as the hand slides down the back of his jeans to feel him up. That was unusual - Joshua was never this dominant unless he was truly desperate. It almost made Jihoon laugh if he didn't find it so arousing.

"Fuck - fucking shit, Jisoo. You seriously that needy?” Jihoon groans, voice dropping five octaves. His forehead falls with a thud against the wall.

“It’s been a month, can you blame me? Also, you’re wearing your 'fuck me’ jeans,” Joshua points out, tugging at the tight fabric so Jihoon backs into his crotch. He can feel the already significant bulge there and backs into it just a little bit more to tease.

“Just for you,” Jihoon says, tossing a wink over his shoulder. Joshua grins. “After dinner,” he adds with a mumble and Joshua whines. 

Jihoon wiggles free and turn to pat Josh's cheek.

“I’ll ride you,” he offers, stopping any complaints from the elder. Joshua picks Jihoon up with ease and the younger hooks his legs around his waist. Okay - so Joshua was really desperate for something.

“I’ll blow you if you let me do it now,” Joshua mumbles, kissing Jihoon’s neck. It’s a good deal, kind of hard to pass up in all honesty. Jihoon’s eyes focus on the pastel pink shirt Joshua was wearing.

He was wearing Jihoon’s favourite colour. Just for him.

“Later,” Jihoon sighed, but Joshua nodded and pressed a kiss to his nose. He was always the gentleman.

“Later,” he agrees, letting Jihoon down gently as if he was made of glass and rice paper. Jihoon giggles and drags Joshua to the living room.

Hardly a few minutes later Seungcheol yells out that dinner is ready and they all rush to the kitchen to eat.

Excluding Wonwoo.

He was still sitting on the couch, eyes still glued to his book, clearly absorbed in his own world.

When Seungcheol notices the absence he gets up from the table and pokes his head in the living room.

“Wonwoo-ah, early dinner. Late lunch. Food time,” he says curtly in the fatherly tone reserved for the members exclusively.

Wonwoo doesn’t move, clutching his book.

“Garden fairy,” Seungcheol sings lightly, crossing over to him. He stands in front of Wonwoo and pushes the freshly dyed hair from the younger's eyes.

Wonwoo's eyes flicker up, glasses perched low on his red nose, eyes watery, lower lip trembling.

“What’s wrong?” Seungcheol asks immediately, kneeling in front of the taller and cupping his cheeks like a father consoling a child who fell off of their bike.

“Will dies,” Wonwoo chokes out, eyes flooding into a sudden waterfall of tears. Seungcheol looks at the book in his hands before grinning and laughing in spite of himself. Me before you.

“This is the third time you’ve read that book - he dies every time,” Seungcheol chastized playfully. The elder gently takes the book from his hands and drags him to his feet despite the protests.

“It gets me every time,” he blubbers through the waterworks. Seungcheol hugs him and leads him to the kitchen where Mingyu looks alarmed at the sight before a resigned look casts across his face.

“Me before you?” He asks. Wonwoo nods and sniffles.

Mingyu pulls him into the chair beside him and stuffs him full of food. Eventually, Wonwoo stops crying until Minghao says ’ Will dies’ - completely out of the blue. Wonwoo just casts a horrified look before his eyes well up again. Minghao ends up choking after laughing too hard and Seokmin announces it was karma and cosmic retribution. Jun announces that Minghao’s ancestors were pissed and Minghao argues that his ancestors don’t know shit cause they’re dead and he’s not so really he’s winning.

Seungcheol stops the fight before it begins, announcing that a sleepover was in order and getting mixed reviews but not really caring. They had a tradition before big concerts, debut stages, and comebacks. Everyone would gather in the living room in a pile, dragging blankets, mattresses and pillows in front of the TV and watch a movie until everyone fell asleep.

Seungcheol deemed it the optimal time for their sleepover and no one argues. They had a few hours before bedtime to laze about and recharge at the very least.

"Seungkwan-ah, you’re allowed to raincheck if you need to sleep in your own bed,” Jeonghan chimes in, getting a collective agreement. Seungkwan smiled and blushed, shaking his head.

“I wanna be with my family,” he states, getting groans from the sheer cheese. Vernon smiles at Seungkwan and teases him lightly.

They finish dinner and Jeonghan and Minghao take dishes duty, Jeonghan singing sweetly along to the radio as they worked.

The remaining members disperse. Chan, Jun, and Seungcheol set up the living room carefully, always enjoying that activity the most.

Jihoon had tried to snag the shower first but Joshua had dragged him to his room and locked the door.

Mingyu had a similar idea, dragging Wonwoo to his own room and not even locking the door in his haste. Seokmin gets an eyeful of Wonwoo between Mingyu’s thighs when he goes to return the headphones he borrowed. Upon shutting the door, Seokmin also decides that Mingyu was not getting those headphones back.

Vernon had literally carried Seungkwan off to bed, informing him that they’d join the others later but right then he needed rest. Seungkwan kicks like a child and protests.

“Hansollie - this is unfair. Put Hyung down,” he whines. Vernon laughed and shook his head, eyes tired.

“Do it for me Boo? Please?” He asks. The softness in his tone has Seungkwan settling down a tiny bit. He nods slowly.

“Fine, but you have to stay and cuddle me,” he pleas, big bright eyes blinking up at Vernon. He had just taken cold medicine so he was growing sleepy anyways.

They get to their room and Vernon sets Seungkwan down, crawling into bed beside him without a word of protest.

Seungkwan curls both arms tight around Vernon and pressed his face into the latter’s chest. Vernon lets the latter use one of his arms as a pillow and uses the other to massage his friend’s back. It’s silent between them, calm and comfortable.

Vernon didn’t know why they clicked so well. They should be enemies at the very least but they get along like yin and yang. Even as opposites Vernon finds himself infatuated with every little thing Seungkwan does. He’s a bit more reserved but Seungkwan was always bold and brash in everything he does. It’s endearing, every little thing is endearing.

Vernon looks down to see Seungkwan fast asleep, looking calmer than he’d been in weeks. His eyes are shut, expression relaxed and lips parted a tiny bit. His bottom lip juts out just a bit like that of a child, button nose scrunching up as he cuddles closer. Vernon presses a gentle kiss to the top of Seungkwan’s head, then another and another.

“Hansollie,” Seungkwan mutters, making Vernon chuckle.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to annoy you,” Hansol whispers sweetly.

“Cute,” Seungkwan responds. By then Vernon’s hand rested on Seungkwan’s lower back, sliding up his shirt to rest there. Skin to skin. Hansol has to hold in a shudder.

Were things getting weird between them? He couldn’t tell. It had always been like this. Touching constantly, holding hands, kisses on the cheek and on the head. One time they’d gotten drunk and kissed on the lips by mistake before bursting into laughter. Vernon had turned his head to kiss Seungkwan on the cheek when Seungkwan had moved to do the same. It was just a peck but Vernon found himself rolling the memory around his head more often than not.

Seungkwan rolls to lay on top of Vernon and Vernon flops on his back compliantly, pulling Seungkwan on top of him. Seungkwan promptly falls asleep atop Vernon, nuzzling into his collarbones.

Vernon can feel his heart pounding loudly in his ears, adrenaline rushing in a way that lit up all of his nerve endings. He thanks every higher power his blush was hidden from Seungkwan's eyes. Every inch of his body was clammy and warm and all he could focus on was the way Seungkwan's body pressed into his own. The way his skin tingled from where it met Seungkwan's.

He weakly gulps air.

It would be best to not read into things for right then.


	5. That XX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The backstory on how Mingyu and Wonwoo fell in love and how to come out of the closet as a cover up for someone else.
> 
> Part 1 
> 
> Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i gotta re-do previous chapts to make this fit lmaooo
> 
> non betad babes.

That XX

Mingyu remembered it like it was yesterday. 

He stares up at the ceiling of his room, watching the lights dance across the walls from cars passing by outside. Wonwoo curls into him a bit more, nuzzling his chest as their bare skin meets bare skin. He pulls the covers over Wonwoo’s shoulder as G-Dragon's song plays on shuffle from his phone’s quiet speakers. It takes him back, the nostalgia tasted bittersweet on his tongue. He leans down and presses a slow kiss to Wonwoo's temple, trying to get rid of the bitterness and just revel in the sweetness. He recalls the days when he couldn't place kisses on his boyfriend. Mingyu frowns at the recollection. 

He’d been given the _honour_ of getting a duet stage, the producers wanted to showcase the hip-hop unit more - and really. It was an honour. But when he’d been paired with Wonwoo his heart dropped to his stomach.

Couldn’t it have been Seungcheol? The fearless leader who had a powerful rap? Or Vernon who had been working his skills to perfection?

The producers argued that Mingyu and Seungcheol’s styles didn’t match well and that Vernon had already had his showcase with SMTM. Wonwoo needed a turn. Which was true, but it didn’t piss Mingyu off any less.

Wonwoo pissed Mingyu off.

They were so different. Sure, as trainees they’d been inseparable. They’d learned to rap together, their flows becoming the same to an untrained ear. But after debut things had crashed down all because of one stupid petty fight.

They’d been in the practice booth with Vernon who’d been sitting on his phone and a producer from SMTM who was training them up. Vernon had one of his headphones in, dead to the world emotionally and the producer, Daewoong, had been fucking with the settings on the audio board while waiting for Seungcheol. Mingyu had been sitting beside Wonwoo, arm around the smaller’s shoulders in a friendly manner as he penned down some notes and Mingyu just - watched. The elegant penmanship and the way Wonwoo bit his lip made his heart flutter.

“Woah, Hyung is so cool looking when he’s focused,” he had said, trying to be annoying as he poked Wonwoo’s cheek. He liked to get a rise from the latter. Vernon glanced over and snorted, rolling his eyes in amusement. It was just the usual skinship they had with one another. Nothing new.

“I wish Hyung would focus on me like that - it would make my heart flutter,” Mingyu persisted, whining obnoxiously. Wonwoo rolled his eyes and continued his writing. Suddenly Daewoong spun around in his chair and shot them a look.

“Is that the gimmick these days? Toss a couple fags in a group to make the girls wet themselves. If you two are gonna be rappers- real rappers - then you gotta stop acting like a couple of pansy queers,” he shoots at them with venom. Wonwoo drops his pen in shock, eyes blowing wide and Mingyu retracts his arm like it had just been set on fire. They stare at the ground. Vernon ripped out his headphone, seething.

“Dude, watch your mouth,” the youngest in the room says, knuckles going white.

“You gonna defend them? Really, white kid? Don’t talk to your elders like that,” Daewoong sighs wistfully, bringing his hand up and making a vague motion. “That’s what’s wrong with Korea these days. You kids ‘experimenting’ with this fag shit. Nasty, fucking queers should be put to death,” he says with disdain, clearly looking for a little backup or sympathy for his words.

Seungcheol chooses this moment to enter, looking dishevelled and tired but generally less stressed than he had been that morning.

“Sorry - Jeonghan needed something,” he says with a cough, bowing for being late.

Mingyu didn’t get it at the time.

“Cheol-ya, you really need to keep a tighter leash on these kids, they’re acting like faggots left and right,” Daewoong says, rolling his eyes. Seungcheol bristles, colour draining from his flushed cheeks and eyes narrowing.

“I see no issue with affection among my members. I only step in for conflict - if you have an issue with men being friends you can leave,” he said seriously. “You will not speak to any of my members in such a way, nor will you make any blatantly false accusations based on your own insecurity,” he added.

Mingyu felt his eyes water. Only Wonwoo knew he was gay - and he hadn’t worked up the courage to tell Seungcheol. But the leader just made it clear that the members were his priority and everything else was secondary. And it meant a lot, of course it did; but the way he made it seem like Mingyu’s identity was an insult. Something to be ashamed of. That hurt coming from such a loved one.

He was surprised to see Seungcheol stand up for their overly affectionate mannerisms.

Mingyu didn’t get that at the time either.

Daewoong merely sneered and continued on with their coaching. But it was too late. The rift was there. Thankfully after that session, they weren’t graced by the coach’s presence again even if the damage was still done.

The following weeks were filled with Wonwoo brushing Mingyu off in front of others, sliding away from him, avoiding eye contact. And in turn, when Wonwoo came to him in private to hang out or talk, Mingyu would brush him off. And the cycle continued until they were fighting over everything, and arguing. Mingyu would start conflict for conflict’s sake. And it hurt his heart to see his precious Wonwoo-Hyung, his secret crush, the love of his life, grow to resent him.

Mingyu figured if he forced himself to hate Wonwoo as much as he once loved Wonwoo - then his passionate feelings would get an outlet.

By extension, Mingyu began to piss off Wonwoo constantly. It was like breathing it came so naturally. He would do anything to get Wonwoo to feel something for him, even if the feelings were negative. It was attention and he needed it more than anything, like a moth to a flame he kept burning himself to get closer to his light.

With the task of making a duet, they began to argue like never before. Constantly cussing out one another. 

When Mingyu had said “God I can’t stand being in a room with him - that - _that bastard_ ,” to Vernon, Vernon’s eyes lit up and he decided on the song the two should do.

That XX.

It was a G-Dragon song and Vernon had been on a kick of GD lately so it was no surprise, but the suggestion had extinguished their arguments for the time being.

They were suddenly stuck together constantly and Mingyu thought that he was going to rot from the inside out with all of the feelings he was holding in - as if you could open up his chest and just find a bunch of black sludge.

When they practised in front of the mirrors, all alone, Mingyu would give his mind a little free reign. He would let it wander to how good Wonwoo looked in a low hanging black tee shirt, how his hair looked pushed back messily, the way his adam's apple bobbed when he rapped. But upon observing these things Mingyu would feel shame for looking at another man - a member no less - the way that he did.

With the increased proximity and one on one time, the arguments didn’t let up.

Their tension just grew and grew to the point they were just body slamming one another and yelling. Mingyu hates to admit it, but it was a good release.

Before he knew it - it was the night of the show. They practised with one another in the practice room, now full of anxiety and nerves to impress. Not to mention the room was packed to the brim with managers, producers, cameras, members. Their petty fights were watered down into rude mumbled comments. They sat in front of a camera, explaining the stage for the behind the scenes, and Mingyu couldn’t look into the lens because it made it all too real.

They have a quick rehearsal on the stage, then more rehearsals with the others before they’re whisked away to be dressed up.

It’s 5 minutes before their song, and Wonwoo’s absolutely fuming.

“You totally did that shit on purpose!” He yells, making Seungcheol grab the younger’s arm and pull him away.

“Why would I spend my energy on petty shit like that - why would I waste any thought on you!” Mingyu yelled back. His eyes were watering - he always cried when he yelled or was yelled at. He feels a firm hand on his bicep, Jun holding him back.

“Bold of you to claim you ever fucking think you mindless bastard!” Wonwoo yelled back, jerking to get free from Seungcheol. It was only the Jun and the hip-hop unit in the dressing room.

And Mingyu and Wonwoo were arguing. Again. Over the glasses Mingyu had broken. On purpose. But like fuck he was going to admit to that, especially because it was petty retaliation for Wonwoo losing the headphones that he stole. But now Wonwoo would be blind for the next week so Mingyu did feel guilt pooling in his stomach.

“I wish I never fucking met you!” Wonwoo yelled. And that - that went too far.

“You gay bastard!” Mingyu yelled quickly, wanting Wonwoo to feel the pain he just felt. But then the room was consumed by silence, everyone sort of froze in their places and Mingyu couldn’t even believe what he had said.

His dumb, dumb gay ass just used gay as an insult. What in the hell was his brain doing? Maybe he’ll just call Jun too tall to be attractive while he's on a roll. Mingyu was mind blown by his own hypocrisy.

But Wonwoo just stands there, looking hollow, all the fire gone from his eyes as he searched Mingyu’s own face.

“You said - we promised we wouldn’t-” Wonwoo cuts himself off but Mingyu knows what he was going to say. 'We promised we wouldn’t out each other to a single soul’. He didn’t know Wonwoo remembered.

Mingyu had just taken the experience of coming out right from Wonwoo’s hands. There was thick black emotional tar filling his chest, it was drowning his lungs and bubbling in his throat.

“I’m gay,” he says suddenly. Firmly. Seungcheol looks between them in absolute confusion and Jun looked confused for a different reason - the reason being he didn’t know that word.

“I’m gay. I like men. Only. I’m gay,” Mingyu repeats. “He’s not the gay one - I am,” he repeats.

Seungcheol blinks twice at him. “This is a really bad time to come out Mingyu-ah,” he states because there was nothing else to say. But then a manager walks in, disrupting the atmosphere.

“Three minutes - let's go,” she says, tight-lipped and serious. Mingyu and Wonwoo immediately rush out and down the corridor, a solid 5 feet behind the woman.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu says, feeling the black tar almost spill out his mouth. He felt atrocious but worse, he hurt Wonwoo. Even if it was amended in a sloppy fashion.

“I can’t forgive you,” the elder whispered. And it breaks Mingyu on the inside. Because he knew he had gone too far for too long. With every small push, Wonwoo gave him he retaliated with a huge shove.

They’re handed mics and pushed into an area to wait. Wonwoo isn’t looking at him.

“Don’t forgive me, either” Wonwoo says suddenly, adjusting his in-ear piece.

Mingyu’s about to respond but they get their cue and move to where they need to be and just like that they’re in the performance. It’s a headspace Mingyu couldn’t pull himself from if he wanted. He took on a persona of another man, moving and speaking with aggression and confidence. Until he feels Wonwoo slam their foreheads together, making him wince. But the words are still echoing in his head.

'Don’t forgive me, either’

It was too late. Mingyu _forgave_ Wonwoo for the months of shoving him away. He forgave him with his whole entire heart. The months of unkindness. The months of screaming and arguing and avoiding. Without thinking, he presses a kiss to the knuckles already perched by his lips. And Wonwoo’s eyes flicker with some soft emotion he hadn’t seen in so long. Mingyu’s stomach ached for it, but it was gone.

Just like that he feels like he’s sent into orbit.

They accept the applause once the music stops, rushing off the stage obediently, handing their mics and in-ears over. Mingyu goes to turn to the dressing room but he feels a hand on his arm, violently yanking him in another direction. He looks up to see Wonwoo dragging him down a less occupied hall, yanking at all the doors until he finds an unlocked one and shoved Mingyu through it.

Mingyu’s too tired to protest, instead just stumbling into the room and knocking into a box roughly. He winced, still panting from exertion.

Just as soon as the door shut and plunged them into darkness Mingyu felt a hand grip the front of his shirt and his whole momentum is smashed into the door roughly.

“What the fuck was that?! What do you think you’re doing to me Kim Mingyu?” Wonwoo barked out, knocking him against the door roughly. “Do you have any idea what you do to me you bastard?!”

Mingyu feels a whole well of emotions spring up. The black tar would be spewing from his nose and lips and ears right now.

Wonwoo is staring at him with such a hurt expression but his body takes over, adrenaline pumping and brain lagging. Mingyu grabs the hands currently pinning him to the door and flips them so Wonwoo ends up pressed against the cold metal, thin wrists pinned over his head.

“Why do you keep pushing me away?!” Mingyu blurts out. He couldn’t help it. He just needed to know why all those months ago Wonwoo pushed him away with no remorse and stomped out whatever they had going.

“Because - because the moment I stop pushing you away is the moment you…” Wonwoo’s voice cracked and suddenly his eyes were searching Mingyu’s own for anything. Any semblance of the man he knew. Anything to ground himself with.

“The moment I get too close,” Mingyu finishes, the pained emotion in his eyes not swaying.“ Are you afraid of me being close?” He asks, voice soft.

“Yeah,” Wonwoo responds, his voice nothing more than a breath, the taller letting go of his hands as they fall limply to his sides. He nods. Mingyu’s chest tightened with the admittance. He knew where the fear stemmed from - from being hurt. Being hurt by Mingyu and others.

“Yeah because- you just. You do things to me that no one else has ever… has ever done,” Wonwoo whispers. “Why do you keep - keep ticking me off - picking on me and starting fights? Is it on purpose or something Gyu?”

Mingyu takes a deep breath. If he were to answer honestly, it would sound like a confession. Which it was. It is a confession. It was too late to come up with a witty lie and his heart was already on the table, splayed out in a mess.

“When you’d ignore me it hurt and - and I just wanted your attention so… I’d act out just so that you still felt something for me. Even if it was hate - I just wanted you to feel something for me,” he admits, rubbing at his eyes.

“Mingyu-ah,” Wonwoo says, looking torn. “I’ve always felt something for you - even against my better judgement,” he responds.

Mingyu sniffles as his waterworks persist ruthlessly, and Wonwoo drags the taller into a hug, apologies slipping from his lips over and over again. They needed to leave but Mingyu would prefer to just sit there and take in the warmth from the elder’s chest. And just. Breathe.

They do end up rushing back to the changing room after long-winded apologies, with only minutes to spare until the last few songs.

After that, everything goes back to normal.

Well- not exactly normal. But the way it was meant to be.

During the group meeting after the show, Seungcheol asked Mingyu if he would like to formally tell the group something. Mingyu simply nodded and announced that he was super fucking gay, he couldn’t help it, and that he wasn’t suddenly and magically a new person who was going to be creepy around the members when they were changing. He was the same old Mingyu. And all he wanted was support.

They were sitting in a circle on the dorm’s wood floor, just the group. It was a family more than anything at this point. Still - coming out was always terrifying.

Seokmin’s own eyes lit up at the confession like a weight was lifted. He laughs brightly, staring at Mingyu with all the stars in the sky trapped in his eyes.

“I’m bisexual - I like both men and women. I’m Bi,” he says, looking comforted. He wasn’t alone. He flops on his back with a thud. “God I was so scared to tell you all - oh gosh,” he says. Mingyu rides on the wave of relief.

“Well, boys, Kwon Fire is also a Kwon Homo - take it or leave it,” Soonyoung chimes in. He’s grinning so brightly his whole face is scrunched up. He flops onto Seokmin’s chest, still a giggly mess. He was so happy, beyond that. Now the others knew him in detail. He was relieved.

Seungcheol smiled at Jeonghan and Jeonghan merely nodded.

“Uh - I’ve never considered labels… but I am in a relationship… with another man,” the leader says slowly. Jeonghan takes his hand and smiles at the group.

“Three years and counting,” Jeonghan confirms. Hansol chokes and Seungkwan lets out a whoop. Jihoon hands Seungkwan a wad of cash and Junhui watches the exchange, wondering how long that had been going on.

There were mixed reactions, support for the most part, but Chan and Joshua admitted they didn’t support that kind of lifestyle and Minghao said he was uncomfortable and confused.

Jeonghan calmly took Joshua to the side, and Seungcheol was about to take Chan to the side and talk to him about it when Soonyoung stepped in and took the whole performance unit to the kitchen and sat them down. It was a long and labour-filled talk on all parts but Mingyu did see Soonyoung giving Chan a long comforting hug by the end of the night and Minghao had apologized profusely to Mingyu the following day for his own lack of understanding.

And just like that, they’d all fallen back into step with one another. Mingyu wakes up to a pair of rainbow socks on his bedside table and a note that simply said _' we’re so proud of you Gyu! your courage is an inspiration. thank you for being you - love Hannie-hyung and Cheollie-hyung’_.

Minghao walked into their room to find Mingyu crying and clutching a fashion atrocity.

The last night of the Boys Be concert had been overflowing with energy. Everyone was burning through the performances, adrenaline and caffeine keeping them on top of it all.

Mingyu had grown bolder during his and Wonwoo’s stage, shoving and touching and yanking. He was pushing it, and there was something behind Wonwoo’s eyes at every contact. Mingyu - honestly - had never seen that kind of expression on the elder’s face. It turned him on.

They had an hour left of the concert and the two encore stages flew past. After the hustle and bustle of getting off stage they’re pushed into the changing room to do a quick 'thank you Vlive’ and then they’re jammed into the little curtained booths to change without exposing themselves to the staff.

Mingyu’s got his pants halfway on when suddenly someone steps in behind him and grabs him, whirling him around and pressing him into the wall. He squeaks.

“Shh,” Wonwoo hisses. Mingyu scrambles to grab at his pants while fumbling to cover his exposed chest. He blinks at Wonwoo who bites his bottom lip and eyes up the exposed skin, making Mingyu blush.

“What’s with you?” The taller whispers, hands falling to Wonwoo’s shoulders.

“You look good,” Wonwoo says, voice low. It gave Mingyu the chills. The eyeliner smudged under Wonwoo’s eyes, his fluffy black hair. The playful smirk on his lips. He looks _hot_.

“And you came in here to tell me about it? Or are you going to do something about it?” Mingyu asks, sliding a hand through Wonwoo’s hair.

He’s never flirted like this before - his blood was thudding through his ears and his whole body was warming up like an oven.

“You want me to do something about it?” Wonwoo retorts, leaning up. Mingyu chuckles.

“Mhm, I’d like that a lot,” Mingyu says slowly, gripping the hair in his fingers a little bit tighter and turning the latter’s head up more. Wonwoo makes a low noise in the back of his throat, barely audible over the chaotic dressing room.

A manager yells that the vans had arrived and they break apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I am tired and stressed so this is a stress relief esque fic
> 
> Updates will be fairly regular
> 
> Corrections/Commentary/Etc always welcome so talk to meeee
> 
> I need a beta reader high k e y
> 
> My tumblorg is etckhh
> 
> Please go read and vote for my other fic 'under the tent' thanks


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